I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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