mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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