so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
