did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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