I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We have started to decorate penises.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
