i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
