I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
