he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
