Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
