If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
