i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You're like the curious george of whores
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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