I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
