What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
