I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
