If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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