So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
