you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
