if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
