yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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