Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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