Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
