My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
