Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
