There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
