What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
