Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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