do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
