oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
