I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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