I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
