Just cropdusted the office
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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