Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
zippers are such a cool invention
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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