Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
