you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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