Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
