I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
