moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
