Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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