I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
