Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
