Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Alive.
So much puke
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
