How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
