non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
