y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
