thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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