my mouth tastes like poor choices
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
