You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
