If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it because I queefed?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
