Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Rumble strips road head = magical
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
