im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
