My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
