I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
