dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
