Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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